Weight has been a huge struggle for me the past few years. I'm sick of it. I'll get myself pumped up and motivated to lose weight and do great for a little while, but the next thing I know I'm climbing up the scale once again. It's really frustrating and to be honest I'm sick of it.
I look in the mirror and I'm disgusted by what I see. Other people tell me I'm beautiful. Maybe they don't see the rolls I try to hide under dark colored shirts. Apparently they also don't know about the cellulite. Ya... cellulite. I've got that stuff creeping all around me on my thighs, buttocks, belly, arms and who knows where else. I look like a big block of cottage cheese. Did I mention I have thunder thighs too? I can also do the wave with my upper arms. HAHA!
The point is I'm not happy with where I'm at. Yes I do love me, but the me I love is the me that's hiding underneath the whale. I'd like to let that person shine through more often, but I'm so embarrassed by my outer appearance that I don't allow the person inside to show her true potential. A lot of my weight gain has been influenced by depression, stress, anxiety and you may have already guessed by now... a poor self esteem. I know I need to work on that. I'm faced with other possible challenges. I'm pretty sure I have PCOS though I still need to be tested to be sure. If I do have PCOS that may make losing the weight an even more difficult battle, but whatever. I can do this. I WILL do this. My goal is to get down to a healthy weight... thinking maybe somewhere in the 130-145 range.
I should also mention that I do not look at women bigger than me and think to myself, "WOW what a COW!" Not at all. In fact, there are women bigger than me that I think are insanely gorgeous. But, even still, when I look in the mirror and see my own body in the reflection I can't stand myself. I wonder if a lot of other bigger women feel the same.
This past Christmas came and went and one of my presents was a weight scale. Hey I can't complain since I asked for the darn thing. I made the mistake of weighing myself Christmas evening and ended the holiday in tears when I tipped the scale at a whopping 214 lbs. I have never weighed over 200lbs in my life so you can imagine my complete dismay. Within the past few years I've gone from about 160 lbs to this disappointing discovery that I am even more unhealthy and obese. In fact, I'll come right out and say it. I'm sick. I do view obesity as a sickness and it's unfortunate that it's come to this point.
So what am I going to do about it?
A few people have recommended the paleo diet to me and I'll be honest and say that I was unsure at first. It just seemed like too many restrictions and there are things that I really don't want to give up such as peanut butter, coca cola, pinto beans and omg those Monterrey Jack chicken taquitos you get at 7-11 are one of my main weaknesses. Let's not forget about brownies... omg I love me some yummy brownies. But, after some research and really thinking about my future goals (wanting to be able to conceive a child and have a healthy pregnancy, etc), I decided that I need to make some sacrifices if I really want to be healthy and lose the weight that is weighing me down. Pun intended.
So here I am raising a glass and preparing to drink the paleo kool-aid. Here's to eating lots of meat (free of hormones), fruit, veggies, nuts, eggs and doing away with processed foods, sugars, legumes, gluten, etc. I'll be blogging my journey here and posting recipes I come across that are yummy and HEALTHY. I'm ready to eat like my hunter-gatherer ancestors and learn a new way of living.
Just wait... when I lose all this weight I'm going to be one HOT woman!!!!
I'm also going to start running again. I used to LOVE to run, but now running has become painful in both my arches of my feet and my left knee. I really want to be able to run again though so I recently bought a pair of Vibram Five Finger shoes, which was yet another recommendation. They feel like... well, one of my friends put it bluntly; "They feel like foot hugs." That's right, foot hugs. They are SO comfortable, but WARNING; you absolutely HAVE to transition into them slowly or you can risk stress fractures and such. I'm excited to go "barefoot" again. It sort of reminds me of childhood honestly. I used to run around barefoot with the neighbor kids and climb trees barefoot as well. Wearing my new VFFs brings back so many old memories that I had filed away over the years. I'm hoping that my VFFs will get me pumped up and excited about running again. I've heard lots and lots of reviews about them realigning your feet the way they were meant to be and alleviating pain in feet, knees, etc. I hope they will serve me well on this new journey to weight loss.
This whole weight loss "program" I'm starting is more than just about losing weight. Sure I'd love to look hot in a bikini or wear a cute little sundress. More importantly though, I want this experience to be a process for me to ultimately become a healthier person and be happier in life. I'm hoping that through this weight loss journey I will truly discover myself.
I hope you'll enjoy following along in my adventure. I'll need people to root me on. There are going to be times I'll be hard on myself. There are going to be times I'll feel hopeless, but no matter what I'm going to stick this out and eventually reach my goals. This is not just my new "diet", this is my new journey. This is my new chapter in life.
